It’s a three letter word that in my world means more to me than I can describe. This year has been a roller coaster. I’ve been scared, worried, sick, nervous, anxious, elated, excited, overwhelmed with love, and a whole litany of feelings. Becoming a mother is mind blowing. I really can’t figure out how to say it otherwise. I am constantly entranced in thought about the miracle growing (feeling HUGE at this point) inside of me and imagining how my life is going to become something totally different rather soon…
My mom is my best friend. She means so much to me and I really couldn’t fathom one day without her. She (and my dad) have been such a stability in my life. I’ve been so blessed. I’m VERY nature-ed like my father, and so I think that plays a large role in how my mom and I are like two peas in a pod.
So becoming a mother has correlated largely in my mind to my relationship with my own. I hope to have a relationship that’s intimate with my children. I want them to understand that I’m an advocate for them. I’m not perfect (surprise), and I have baggage. My mom raised all of us with the mentality of honesty, which made a huge impact on how I grew up. I was able to talk to my mom about ANYTHING, and she was a great intellectual person to talk to…she would listen and not judge but empathize. However, she was still good at reprimanding us for bad choices and used our own guilt to teach us a lesson. I tend to get into the routine of just doing my own thing. I don’t necessarily need to have a thousand conversations with people. Talking for me can sometimes be exhausting, and I may think something needs to be said…but I won’t. I want to be a present mom, engaged, and helping my children feel important to me. In my heart they will, but will I be able to make them know that?? This is a worry for me. I know I won’t have everything figured out or have the best advice always, but I just want to know I’m capable.
Simply because I’m their mother makes my role in my child’s life HUGE! And something more about me is that I’m extremely independent. I don’t need a lot of interaction from others, I like to tackle most things on my own, and I have a complex that I should be capable of most (all) things. So for me, I have legitimate fear that I will feel totally depleted from being a mom. Can I handle all my work, my identity, my dreams/aspirations while being a mother too???
My encouragement is that nobody is perfect. Everyone has flaws, and people with flaws have children. I’ve really just been praying (crying out) to Christ to help ease my anxiety. I need to let go of worrying about things that haven’t even happened (I’m bad about developing an entire scenario in my head before anything has even happened). Adam and I aren’t going to get it right every time, and that’s okay. We have a forgiving God and He can make all things right.
Mother’s Day is a wonderful opportunity to think about, not just our moms, but all those that have positively impacted our lives. What did they show you? What actions did they take to make that impression on your heart?
I hope that my son, and any more children God may bless Adam and I with, will be able to have a home that fosters who the type of person he is and gives him a life giving home, not a life crushing home. I hope we will reflect God to our children, and have a home of rest and building-up. God’s love is over-flowing and when I can’t take it anymore, He will be there like a tower to provide the refuge needed.
“Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.” – Proverbs 30:5
What advice do y‘all have about raising children and handling your own flaws at the same time? Share below!!